for all the new years resolution haters

Last year, my New Years resolution was to lose weight.  I broke it down into smaller, more manageable goals, and for the first time in my life actually stuck with a resolution and saw amazing results.  So nothing irritates me more than being in the locker room this time of year and hearing all these gym regulars complain about how crowded the gym is with New Years resolution go-ers.  All I hear is "UGH, where were these people a month ago?" and (my favorite) "Don't worry, they'll be gone in February."

To the locker room betches who think they are god's gift to fitness:  You probably were not always in great shape.  Maybe you were, and that's awesome for you.  But there was probably a time when you walked into the gym, unable to do more than jog a mile and lay on the ground pretending to do crunches (wait, was that just me?).  So if there's someone new at your gym, and all they can do right now is walk on a treadmill, you should admire them for being brave enough to come out and do that while impatient people like you tap their feet in the background.  I'm assuming that you are also the person who posts obnoxious articles on Facebook about obesity in America and whatever weird fad diets you're trying, so let me remind you that if you are so concerned with our nation's health, you should probably be celebrating this many new people at the gym instead of hoping they'll be gone in February.  Michelle Obama is disappointed in you.

To the New Years Resolution-ers:  You can do it.  It's difficult, and it really will take all year, if not longer, but you can and will do it.  If all you can do at first is walk on the treadmill, then walk an extra five minutes just to make those betches wait.  Eventually you'll be running, biking, whatever you want to do, and you'll be great at it.  You'll be in shape, and you will surprise even yourself with what you can do.  You might even wish you could work out on days you can't, because eventually working out will feel GOOD.  You will feel like a different person. 

And this time next year, you'll be in the locker room noticing all the New Years Resolution-ers, and you'll be telling them that they can do it, too.

love and haterade,
AB